Everything seems to have gotten into a sort of rhythm now. The pressing anxiety I felt before has abated and I am able to think more like Josh, who reasons that as long as we are taking all of the precautions possible, that is all we can do and the rest is out of our control. Things being out of control is one of my biggest anxiety triggers, but I definitely feel calmer now this has become the new normal. All we can do is follow social distancing measures and wash our hands wash our hands wash our hands etc.
I’ve been going for a walk every day, and trying to really enjoy being outside in the greenery; exploring and appreciating nature. We’ve been going on some lovely walks, and I found an abandoned house on one of them.
We have been doing a pub style quiz every Monday evening with our friends on Zoom, which has been really fun and wonderful just to see the faces of them all. Josh and I have been playing the board game Pandemic Legacy, which seems both particularly apt and very inappropriate for the times!
With me being a bread snob, I decided I couldn’t cope with sliced white bread any longer and searched bakeries that are fairly near us and doing deliveries or pick ups, and was able to order breads and pastries for this week with one company, which we picked up this morning, and breads and brownies from another company which will deliver next week. We will now have enough posh, delicious bread to last us a few weeks!
I’ve decided to try and make my own bread at some point (when there’s less bread already available…) and a lovely woman from a COVID-19 Whatsapp support group got me some yeast from the bakers. I walked to her house yesterday to collect it and stopped on the way to chat with Josh’s parents outside their house (more than two metres apart of course). Today I made an attempt at whipped ice coffee and I have to say it wasn’t too bad, especially for a first try without an electric whisk!
I have realised how restless and “goal-orientated” I am at the moment. Over the past five weeks that I have been isolating, I have found it incredibly difficult to relax and binge watch anything or spend a significant amount of time playing the Xbox or reading. I have been constantly on the go: tidying, cleaning, scrubbing, putting clothes washes on, hanging wet clothes up, washing dishes up, clearing away dry dishes, blogging, making Instagram posts, doing photoshoots for Instagram posts, exercising, etc. I’m not sure why I’m finding it so hard to just relax and recharge. The fact that I have more energy to do those things because I’m not working, and because my amitriptyline has been working so well for my ME/CFS symptoms, makes it harder to tell myself that I need to just stop and chill out. Every time that I tell myself that tomorrow is the day I’m going to do nothing, it just doesn’t happen! Part of that is that I am a naturally active busybody, but I also wonder if it’s a coping mechanism to manage anxiety around the global situation, and also to feel like I’m taking advantage of the free time I have.
Tonight I think we’ll be having some rosemary, onion & seasalt focaccia, with some fried eggs and…something green, although we are running out. Lucky that our next Ocado delivery is tomorrow then!
I’m definitely very envious of people with gardens at the moment. It is difficult to have to sit inside when it is so sunny outside. We are fortunate to have a beautiful view, but it is also very frustrating not being able to sit and enjoy the weather and that we can only experience it on our daily walks. I feel for people living in tiny flats without any nature outside of their windows as it must be detrimental to mental health.
We are privileged to have a landlord who has agreed to lower our rent by 25% for three months. We are privileged to have two sets of parents who have helped us out in some way financially. We are privileged to have a small amount of savings to fall back upon if we need it. We are privileged that Josh can continue working from home. We are privileged to be able to see nature from our windows. We are privileged to live near the countryside. We are privileged to access to Netflix and Sky and Amazon Prime and plenty of Xbox games. We are privileged to have good food and respectful neighbours and we are privileged to have each other. The coronavirus has made a lot of things hard, but we have it a damn sight better than some, and that’s definitely something to remember.