I’m starting to lose track of time and the days: it took hard work to remember what we did yesterday. On Day 2 I suggested to Josh that we need some sort of exercising schedule for two weeks that we cannot go outside at all. Due to my ME/CFS, I wanted to find some low intensity cardio so that it wouldn’t increase my heart rate too much as that can trigger a flare. What I ended up doing was low impact cardio on Blogilates (whilst trying to ignore the immensely fatphobic video titles, but what can you expect with fitness videos I guess), and I underestimated how much Cassie Ho really makes her videos quite hard for someone who has not done anything more strenuous than walking for the last 1.5 years. Josh gave up 20 minutes in and I carried on for another 5 minutes as we had planned a 25 min session. It was definitely more effort than I had intended to put into it, and because it was low impact it means a lot of legwork, and was focused a lot on squats, lunges, and other moves involving those leg muscles than lift and lower your body. Oh BOY did I feel it today. And I don’t mean that my legs were a bit achy. I mean that I can’t actually stand up from sitting without a lot of effort and pain, and sometimes with help in the formed of being lifted up by Josh. Don’t get me started on lowering myself into chairs and onto the toilet seat. This morning I managed to get one leg in the bathtub to have a shower, but couldn’t pull my body into the bathtub so Josh had to push me in by the buttocks and legs. Maybe something a little less intense next time and possibly I could work up to those videos – but then again maybe not because of my ME/CFS.
After Josh finished up with his work yesterday, we had dinner and then we watched Contagion. Well, WHY NOT? It did make us laugh at how over-dramatised the movie was, because within two weeks people were looting, shooting each other, and storming pharmacies. Supermarkets had no one manning them and people were running around grabbing as much food as possible. In reality, we are all politely queuing up for medicine, key workers like supermarket staff are still working, and the sensible ones of us are popping on pjs and hunkering down, whilst others are still going about their normal lives?! So it definitely makes our pandemic look more orderly and less panic-stricken.
I slept poorly throughout the night. I forget to take my amitriptyline and every time I shifted position my legs were hurting and it kept waking me up (I mean, it’s actually ridiculous how much my legs hurt from it!). I was exhausted when I awoke but didn’t feel like I was going to sleep more. Today was food, more bananagrams, and then I lay on the sofa under a blanket and browsed my phone whilst Josh played A Plague Tale: Innocence on Xbox One, which I’ve been half watching him play and it looks super good.
Today I feel pretty tired and a bit low. I feel bored and a tad anxious. A couple of days ago I watched a video by a doctor who specialises in ME/CFS and she said that people with it are moderately immunocompromised. I haven’t seen that information on the ME Association, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that is the case. She said it is because immune cells in ME/CFS that protect from viruses are less functional, because they are overwhelmed and depleted, which makes sense. But this means that I am even more at risk, and I saw a summary image of her video today which made me think about it again and increased my anxiety levels. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: everything feels surreal. On one hand it feels silly to be so worried and to not go to work and to not go outside, but on the other hand it feels scary because logically I know how dangerous and serious the situation is. It’s such a weird and unfamiliar feeling. And I think I’ve caused myself a flare up because of the work out video yesterday and I feel annoyed at myself and more anxious because if I’m in a flare up I’m probably even more vulnerable.
We will finish off today with a movie and maybe some Parks and Recreation to lighten the mood (anyone who hasn’t already seen this should consider watching it a priority!). Hopefully tonight I will sleep well. I hope everyone is well and staying safe.